This might be a controversial take: We pay our 6th grader for his grades. Here is why.
From 2008 - 2018 we lived in a small 2-BR apartment in Brooklyn, NY. My daughter was the first grandchild on both sides and as such, showered with endless gifts from every Grandparent, Great-Grandparent, Aunts, Uncles, you name it. By the time she was 1-year old, her small bedroom was filled to the brim with toys, books, costumes, and trinkets. Have you ever seen Mike Birbiglia’s comedy special entitled “The New One?” Fast forward to the finale and that is like what it was. She was never a fan of purging (what kid is?), so decluttering became a seasonal act of service I grew to relish, though I always feared tiny tears if I disappeared something that, in her mind, was irreplaceable.
In 2012, she turned 5. Around that time, I think parents start talking about giving their child an allowance. But something else happened in 2012. Our son was born, and we were drowning in more stress and stuff than ever. Public school started, and the idea of an allowance just kind of dissipated. We went on with our lives for the next 5 years in similar patterns. Taking on stuff every holiday and birthday - only now it was double. Eventually, they shared that tiny room, and we were constantly stretched for cash, time, and space. Finally, we sold the place and moved to greener pastures in Pennsylvania.
But I digress. This blog is supposed to be about allowance. The idea of a traditional allowance never sat right with us. We talked with other parents and considered different approaches over the years but couldn’t find one that felt right for our family. For instance, tying allowance to chores didn’t work with our values—we believe that contributing to the household is simply part of being in a community. Chores should be something everyone does because they’re a member of a family, not because they’re earning cash. And giving out cash just for the sake of it didn’t sit well either. Our kids already received everything they needed and more. We didn’t want to add to the piles of stuff, especially when it often ends up as more clutter in our home, and eventually, in a landfill.
Now, our son is just starting 6th grade, and our daughter is off to college next year. We’re looking for new ways to teach them both the value of money and hard work. As far as our son goes, paying him for his grades has started to make sense. Now that he’s older, he’s more aware of the things he wants, and his interests are expanding beyond the basics. We want him to experience the satisfaction and independence that come with earning something for himself. Paying him for grades feels like a good way to bridge that gap, as it directly links to his efforts and achievements. He sees that his hard work at school can literally pay off, reinforcing the importance of education and showing that dedication brings rewards.
We also appreciate that paying for grades sends a clear message: academic efforts are his responsibility. School is his “job” right now, and by rewarding his effort, we’re helping him prioritize his studies. It gives him a sense of control, knowing he has the potential to earn his own spending money. To make it work, we set clear expectations. Together, we discuss which grades earn a what monetary compensation. He now reports to me about how he’s doing in each class, and it allows me to encourage him and get to know how he’s feeling when we rarely had these types of conversations in elementary school!
In the end, every family has a different approach to allowances, chores, and rewards. For us, paying for grades is a great way to teach our son responsibility while helping him gain independence. It’s helped us find a balance that feels right, and we’re happy with how it’s working so far.